Dirty jokes
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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you have to help me!"
The doctor asks, "What's your problem?"
The guy says, "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'...give
the wife a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool
with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride
to work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I
go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office
girls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good
boning. For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing.
Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the
wife another screw......."
"So...????" asked the doctor. "What's your problem???"
The guy says, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out some of the rules, saying, "The
female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50."
He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second
time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How
much for a season pass?"
The president got off the helicopter in front of the
White House with a baby hog under each arm. The
Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"Nice pigs, sir". The president replied, "These are
not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs.
I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and
replied, "Nice trade, sir."
A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting.
He tells his wife, "You've got three choices; you can go Bear hunting with me,
I'll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna load up the truck and get the dog out.
Make up your mind before I get back.
"The man returns twenty minutes later and says, "Well what's it gonna be?
"She say's, "There's no way I'm going Bear hunting
and you're not doing my ass so I guess it's a blowjob.
"A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says,
"Jesus, you taste like shit.""Oh yeah," he replies,
"The dog didn't want to go Bear hunting' either."
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and
points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and
bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,
points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end
of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
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