Dirty jokes
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A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch
together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,
"Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your
ass?"
The little boy answered no.
Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."
A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa,
can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your
ass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not man
enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the
house With a cookie.
Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"
The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied,
"Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."
A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire".
The husband asks for sex.
The wife says, "No." >
Her husband asks,
"Is that your final answer?" >
She responds, "Yes."
He says,
"Then, I'd like to call a friend."
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a
marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and
listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug.
He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once
a day!"
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want
me to bring her back tomorrow?"
Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and
reminiscing about old times.
One says to the other, "Darling, do you remember the minuet?"
The other replies, "Sweetheart, I can't even remember the ones I screwed!"
Two, old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So, "says the second drunk, "what's your point" "Well, "says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
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