AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Dirty jokes and funny stories.

An old man in a nursing home awoke one day and
trundled down the hallway to the community breakfast
room looking rather forlorn. Ms. Smith, a nurse, met
him in the hallway. She greeted him smilingly and
asked how he was this day.

Mr. Jones allowed that not all was well; in fact, his
penis had died during the night. Ms. Smith knew that
Mr. Jones was occasionally a little off mentally, so
she merely replied that she was sorry to hear the bad
news and went on her way.

The next morning Mr. Jones was on his way to breakfast
again but on this day he was dressed in a coat and
tie, and his penis was hanging out of his pants. Sure
enough, he met Ms. Smith whereupon -- although
somewhat startled -- she calmly reminded him that the
day before he had told her his penis had died and
asked why it was hanging out of his pants.

Mr. Jones replied simply, "Today is the viewing."

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting. "How
are we faring?" asked the king. "Sire!" replied the knight, "I have been robbing
and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to the
west." "What?" shrieked the king, "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh!"
said the knight, "Well, you do now."

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was
pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he
found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found
himself unable to perform.

On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom
to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face
creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.

Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.

Looking down at this, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch.
Now I know why they call you a prick!"

During a funeral for a woman who had henpecked her husband, drove her
kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest
opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her
explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke,
and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder.
"Well, at least we know she got there all right," commented her husband

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How much for a blow job ?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do you ?"